Wired.

So... I fell asleep at 6 a.m. And something woke me up at 8 something, either my roommates or my phone or something. And I never went back to sleep after that. I was so energetic all day. I should've gone to the gym but I am just so sore it's stupid. I don't even know what I did!

Oh wait yeah I do. I went to Durango's with my roommates for lunch. I then went to my parent's house to talk to them and Kirsten about love and weddings and stuff and you know, all those crazy things. Oh and I did take like a 20 minute nap.

Then I dropped off a drink for my mom at her work on my way to my work. My man called me while I was at work to tell me he landed in Philly, so I got to talk to him for a couple minutes.

After work, I met my friends at Village Inn for pie night. Trible berry mmmm.

Know what's awkward though? I walked out to my car to get my wallet, and when I was walking back in, two girls were approaching the door at the same time and so I opened it for them. One of them just happened to be the relief society president in my ward, who also happens to be one of the last girls my boyfriend dated. I don't know how long they dated or when they broke up or anything at all. I don't think she recognized me but it was still awkward for me. Haha. Good thing she's a sweetheart.

Then I went home to sleeeep.

Love. (July 30th Pt. 2)

I couldn't wait to get home because I wanted to see him before he left for England. I got to St. George at almost midnight, and he would be leaving St. George at 6 a.m. I got home and changed and ran outside to meet him. It was so so good to see him.

So we had about five hours together.

We walked down the street and sat on a bench for a few minutes before I decided I was really hungry. So we were going back to his house to get his truck when his parents were at the door, and so I got to meet his dad, and his mom again. Then I remembered I really really really wanted my parents to meet him before he left for two weeks. So I texted my mom at 12:20 a.m. asking if we could come over and she said yes!

We got there and talked outside for a minute, but then went in so I could eat something. My dad got up too, and I was so happy they both got to meet him. They loved him. Right, mom? :)

We went back to my apartment and cuddled and talked the rest of the night until he had to go. Everything was perfect and beautiful.

This picture is from Friday right before I left for Provo. I know it's an awkward/silly/gross kissy picture but I just had to, sorry.

And here are a bunch of pictures I've been forgetting to post.

This is the most beautiful place I've been to that I mentioned.

Sunflowers leaving Amanda's house in Highland. 

At Kolby's farewell lunch thing. 

Amanda's ridiculously pretty neighborhood. 

He was in love with my guitar and didn't want to give it back. 

My roommates sent me snap chats from church, of my man :) 

Old roommates and a boy. 

From the baby shower.

Friends on Saturday night. 

Another from Kolby's farewell. Amanda and her cousin. 

I don’t want a lukewarm love. I want it to burn my lips and engulf my soul.

Baby (July 30th Pt. 1)

This morning Amanda and I went and hiked the Y mountain trail. I had only done it once before, years ago with my friend Justin. Last time I had to stop a bunch of times but it wasn't too bad. This time, I still had to stop a few times cause no matter what I'm always out of shape like that. Haha. Anyway, this time I'm super sore after. What the?! I work out! Need to work out harder I guess.

So we went back to her apartment and showered and got ready. Then we went to this place at Riverwoods called Malawi's and I got the best Southwestern chicken salad of my life. I'll have to remember to take my lover there someday.

Kelsey was admitted to the labor and delivery part of the hospital early this morning. We drove there, in American Fork, around 3 something so we could get her apartment keys and go get my stuff from her place. We were waiting in her apartment when suddenly Tyler sent us a picture of Kelsey holding her baby! Oh my gosh!

So we drove back. They had taken the baby to the other room to be checked and so we were with Kelsey in her room. We were there almost two whole hours when they finally brought the baby Milo into the room so we could hold him. After Amanda and I took turns holding him, we said our goodbyes and left. I drove her back to her apartment in Provo and then I was outta there!

On the Y.

Oh, we also went to a toy store.

Playing for Winter.

Sweet dad and baby. 

Milo!!!!

My little nephew. 

Real.

My man called me this morning so I went outside and walked around the neighborhood while we talked on the phone for an hour and a half. Best phone conversation ever.

I went swimming with Kelsey today in her pool. We went to Walmart and a health food store so she could get stuff for being pregnant or something. Have the freakin baby already!

We came back to Amanda's, then the three of us went to Guru's for dinner. We came here again to watch the Bachelorette, which I never watch, but apparently the rest of the world does. Tyler came over soon after, and Kelsey left with him. Becca came over with Sydney but soon Sydney left and then Ronnie came over. The four of us drove around and hung out forever.

Kelsey texted us all a picture of her in a hospital bed saying she was having contractions and we all freaked out and thought she was going to have her baby any minute but they sent her home an hour later. Flip.

Sugarhouse.

Amanda's brother Kolby had his farewell today, so I went with her family. We went back to her house after for the open house/lunch thing. There were a billion people there. Everyone left and then I did too.

I went to Sugarhouse to Jamie's place and hung out. We took his convertible to his friend's house to visit her for a bit. Then we drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon and it was absolutely beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.

After that, we went to his parent's house for a second just to say hi. Then we got some food at iHop, and then back to his house, and then I came back to Provo.

Baby shower!

I got ready and went to Lehi to help set up for Kelsey's baby shower. It was super cute. Everyone showed up and we just sat around and talked mostly. I am so excited for Kelsey's baby. Ah.

Then Kelsey, Amanda, and I went to Winger's. Yum.

Then Kelsey went home, and I followed Amanda to her parent's house in Highland. A couple of her guy friends came over, then Rebecca and Sydney, and we all played games and hung out. I spent the night there with Amanda.

70 Love Songs.

I woke up and got ready for the day and packed. Then I met my guy so I could take a picture with him since I won't be seeing him for a few weeks. I spent about an hour with him before heading to my parent's house. I made rice krispie treats and then left.

The drive to Orem was pretty chill. I got into town and the first thing I did was stop by a guy's house to record. He is making an album of 70 love songs and his project involves featuring a different artist in every song. So, I harmonized with him on one of the shorter ones that I liked. He was a cool dude.

Then I went to the mall to kill about a half hour.

Then to Brad's house cause I hadn't seen him for like two years, and we just talked for a bit.

Then I went to Kelsey's and Tyler's and caught up with Kels until it got late, so I came to Rebecca's house to crash. She and her boyf hung out with me and I fell asleep talking to them on the couch.

Amazing night.

So... Thursday night. I got off work around seven and was waiting for him to call. I cleaned my room and bathroom, and then he called me around 8:30. He was still helping people move and asked if I wanted to come help, so I met him up the street. It took us about an hour to finish the last trip of furniture.

He and I went to his house to get his motorcycle when his neighbors came outside and starting lighting fireworks, so we stuck around for a bit. Then, we took his bike to Denny's.

We went to my house, and shortly after, Melinda and Carissa came home. They asked if we wanted to go on an adventure but they wanted to go to Denny's and we had obviously just gone, so they went without us.

He and I decided to go for a walk, then while walking decided to drive up to the church on Foremaster. We brought a blanket and laid it out on the grass next to the pavilion where I sang at that wedding a couple months ago. It was nice and cool and perfect and we laid there forever, just until the sprinklers came on.  :)

We went back to my house for a bit, and then the night was over.

Clutter.

Gym, then went to my parent's house with Melinda so I could wash my sheets and she could wash some stuff. That's all I've done today, and working right now.

I have lots of time at work to browse random stuff, like Stumble Upon, and blogs, etc. I found one of those "life lessons" lists and this particular item made me think:

"Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways."

Hmmm. I'm not sure how to feel about that because I love THINGS. I wouldn't call myself super worldly in the typical way it's thought of, because I don't buy expensive clothes all the time, or drive an expensive car, and I don't pride myself in having tons of nice stuff to show off. But. I do love collecting random trinkets and useless stuff that looks cool. I go to thrift stores. My room is full of random vases, picture frames, bowls, jewelry, paintings, and other decorations. Something about having all these things makes my room feel more like it's "mine." And people tell me you can learn a lot about someone by looking at their room. And it just makes me happy owning little things. It's all so silly.

But... would I be happier if all I had in my room was the bare minimum? No random decorations, just meaningful ones? Should I go through my jewelry and get rid of stuff I haven't worn in a year? Probably yes about the jewelry part. Maybe. I don't know. What should I do?

I know I've said before that I don't understand the whole page view thing, and I still don't. I mean, I know that a lot of it is just coming from spam traffic or whatever it is, but seriously the other day it said 237 page views and I forgot to screen shot it but then today it's 70. But I only know of like 3 people who regularly read my blog. So this just doesn't help me at all haha.

This is one of the calls I was doing today. Just to let you know just how boring it can be.

Nightmare throwin' off my groove.

I woke up at 7:30 so I could get to Alex's house by 8:00 so we could all go to Vernon Worthern and get free breakfast with his mom. And I am still not sure if it was worth it since I went to bed so late but it probably was.

I went home and decided I deserved a nap. So I was falling in and out of sleep, but I was dreaming and so that means I was in deep sleep, right? Yes? No? I don't know anything. Well, I do know that I had a terrible nightmare. In it, everything was jumbled and confusing, and I started realizing I had no idea where I was or how I got there or what I was doing or what I had been doing all day and I just was soo confused. And I couldn't stop hyperventilating. And so I was looking at my phone to read texts to figure out what I had been doing but I just had a text from Carissa saying "He called you hundreds of times!" meaning, you-know-who. And so I went to his house and knocked on the door and it was late at night and then my roommates showed up, but I was just huddled against the wall sobbing and I was seriously freaking out. I know it sounds like a silly nightmare, but the way it made me feel was absolutely terrible. I woke up feeling like I couldn't breathe. Gaaaah so much for morning naps.

So, that nightmare has had me feeling weird most of the day.

But I met Darren at Cafe Rio for lunch, cause he's moving soon. Then I went to the school to practice the piano and I swear that building is haunted. This time I went, there were no lights on except security lights, and no one was around. When I went into one of the practice rooms, I could hear a weird squeaking sound that occasionally sounded like it was an old instrument playing squeaky notes. But I could only hear it when I was in that room. Haunted.

I am an idiot. I went home after that and took another short nap before work. But I didn't have dreams so it's okay. And now I'm at work. I'm going to pie night after this with a new Sam, who invited me to join he and his friends. Pie!

This is a couple weeks old but it's the funniest snap chat I've ever received. Hahaha. Well... maybe. 

This morning while I was going in and out of sleep, I was answering texts but I was so out of it. I was trying to tell Alex Lambson, in my sleepy state, that I would be in Orem this weeked. 

Look at my sexy parents! 

On my high.

FHE Monday night was pretty fun but Melinda and I were only there for about 45 minutes. We went home to eat something, then straight to the volleyball courts. It's always awesome cause random people will jump in and start playing and you always meet cool people. And this time was amazing because there was a lightning/thunder storm going on, and at one point it was right above us, with the loudest thunder and brightest lightning ever.

It started to rain, so Melinda and I went home and showered then to Blair's house to hang out with him, Dallas, McKayle, Brendan, Ty, and Channing. We started watching Mulan when you-know-who called me, just like he said he would :)

He came and picked me up from Blair's, then we went to his house and cuddled. Ah.

This morning I went to the gym, then picked up my guitar from the music store, then went to my parent's house to do my laundry. Tasha and I met my dad at Red Lobster for lunch. Mom had to stay at home and babysit :( she forgot. Sorry mom.

He called me, and so when I got home, he came over and we went swimming in my pool. Then he went home so we could both shower and I went over to his house to watch a movie and cuddle some more. We walked to Harmon's together and returned the Red Box, then he went to sleep around 8:00 pm cause he had to work at 2:00 am the next morning.

I got home to a voice mail from Luke, so I called him back, and ended up meeting him at the fountain in front of Durango's to just play our guitars together and jam out. It was fun. Some cute Asian tourists were recording us with their phones.

So later, Melinda was about to go to bed because SHE had to work early in the morning, but there was an unexpected knock at the door, and in walks Alex and his friend Ethan who I had never met. We ended up hanging out and having fun until... really late. Oh, and for the first time we went inside the creepy storagte/crawl space downstairs and realized we could probably fit 30 people in there. But it's creepy.

Luke and I :)

Alex and Ethan came over with some henna tattoos they had just given each other, then Ethan wanted me to draw on his leg so I did. I don't remember the last time I doodled on someone haha. 

Sarcasm.

Before I write about my day today, I want to mention this Ensign article that Melinda read to me yesterday. I forgot to say something about it yesterday, I think. Anyway. It's from this month's Ensign (LDS church magazine) and I think everyone should read it. Everyone. And take it seriously! I know I'm guilty of this, as well as most people I know.

http://www.lds.org.au/ensign/2013/08/no-corrupt-communication?lang=eng

I also think I've referenced this girl's blog before, but her most recent post is very good:

http://anxiouswhitevirgin.blogspot.com/2013/07/the-5-escapes-that-will-destroy-us.html

I highly recommend reading that one, too.


So, today. Yep, just as good as yesterday! Just as freaking good. Please no one intentionally try to take me off this high. I will come after you with angry happiness...    :)

I went to ze gym dis morning. Did I mention that it's been really hard ever since I misplaced my earphones? I am going crazy. It's so much harder for me (in my head) to run without music. But I do it anyway.

Then I got home and Melinda said we should get sushi. It's been at least 2 weeks since I've had any, and way longer since I've gone with Melinda. So she invited Alex and we met at Red Ginger.

We went back home, I showered while Melinda and Alex left on a drive. Then... I called you-know-who :) and he came over for a second and it was a perfect five minutes. And now I'm at work.

And I would write more details, but I have since started writing in a personal online journal again, and I like to go into personal detail there. So unless you're my mom and I tell you everything, sorry!

After work... FHE. Then maybe seeing him :)

If you haven't heard this song yet, do.

The best day of my life.

Don't let my title fool you. Although I did say at least once today that it was the best day of my life, I didn't mean it as though it was literally the best day I've ever had. I meant more like... I was so happy and in the moment and just living TODAY that I felt so good.

Let me start with last night.

Alex asked if I wanted to go on an adventure with him when I got off work. So, I got home, and he was waiting at our apartment. I quickly changed and then we left. We went 14 miles away, to Red Cliffs.

It was amazing.

Alex had head lamps for both of us, and we started out on our night hike. The air was humid from the river and from rain earlier that day. It was cool and smelled wonderful. We hiked through the dark on the trail along the river. We walked through the muddy water, and took off our shoes. I can't remember the last time I was there but I had memories of the hard places to climb, and it was thrilling at night.

Our destination was the top of a cliff. We laid up there on the rock for a long time, in another deep conversation about life and learning and love and the reason I am writing this is to hopefully remember even a glimpse of what we talked about. Alex kept telling me I need to learn to be content. To be just so happy with myself and with life, and then everything will just... happen. And be okay. And I've been told this and learned this so many times, but the way he worded it, and just being there in that moment, it hit me like nothing has ever hit me before.

He told me that if I can view people in a certain way, that every person is there to teach me something, that I will be able to handle anything that comes my way. That I don't need to worry about whether some guy is the one. And from Alex I have learned how to NOT hand my heart over so quickly. And how to just be friends and get to know people and to just live.

Now for today. Today I called you-know-who because I had come home last night to a missed call, voice mail, and text from him. He didn't answer but called me back soon after and invited me to come over for breakfast. So, I walked to his house and he made me some french toast. It was silly cause I had just gotten out of bed and I was in my comfy pants with my hair up and no makeup, and he was all spiffy in his church clothes. Dang he looked good.

I went home to get ready for church and then when I got to church I was just in such a great mood. When Sacrament meeting was over, I walked up to him and asked him when we were going to hang out this week, and we made plans, and he introduced me to an investigator girl from Mexico. Then we all sat together in Sunday school. And I sat by her in Relief Society.

And after church I went to my parent's house for delicious dinner, and to spend time with the people who are the world to me.

I went home soon after. You-know-who had told me earlier that I could come to his house anytime, but I texted him and invited him to come hang out with Melinda, Alex, and I. He came, and I gave him my last CD, and then we started "Crazy Stupid Love" but he had to go soon after to go visit a sick girl in our ward.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek on my door step, and he gave me one, and it was sweet.

Melinda, Alex, and I finished the movie, then we just hung out forever, tickling each other's backs and laughing at bad lip reading videos on YouTube and just having so much fun.

Alex left, then Melinda and I went to Wal-mart so I could buy some blueberry lemonade. Mmmm.

And now I'm in bed, and I think I am happier than I've ever been. Not in a super ecstatic way, like I'm looking forward to something exciting, or not like something super amazing just happened. But yeah, kind of like that, but in a more subtle way. Because I am just so content.

And I have learned that true happiness is faith.

Oh, and last night Alex showed me this band that I don't think I'd heard of before. Here is one of their beautiful songs.

Work is so boring that...

Work is so boring today that I have been going through the Office Communicator, searching random but common names, and reading the little customizable notes next to people's names. The reason it is entertaining is because most people just type the station number they're sitting at (like we have been told to do) or their work schedule. Also, I have no idea what center these people are at. I have found some pretty interesting ones so far:

• "un voyage commence lorsque un autre finit"
• "If you're hesitating about IMing me... IM me anyway!"
• "The coolest beard-wielder in all the land!"
• "Old enough to know, but too young to care."
• "Taking calls like a boss."

It makes me feel like I work with some cool or funny people... or else everyone is just as bored as I am.

Shopping with guy friends.

I stayed in bed too long, but I had time to get ready before going to Blair's house. He and I went shopping at TJ Maxx, and Dallas met us there too. We also went to Gap. Then Blair and I got shaved ice by Harmon's, then I went home.

After work I am going on an adventure with good Alex.

Dates.

Went to the gym, tried to donate plasma and failed.

Went to Costco with my parents, then had lunch at Carl's Jr.

Practiced the piano.

Took a sweet nap.

Went on a date with a guy in my ward, Nick.

Came home, and it was the best thing because Melinda was finally home, but not only her, Alex, too! (different than hiking Alex, and different than douche Alex. This is... good Alex). He had been away for about a week too, working. So we sat in the living room and talked and talked, and Alex gave me great advice, and then he left and Melinda gave me more great advice that was the opposite of Alex's. And then she told me I should mix their advice together. And so that's what I'm going to do. And I feel great about all the things.

Smooothies.

Dropped off my guitar to be fixed, went to the gym, got smoothies with Mic at Orange Peel, got some Panda Express from my mom (thanks mommy), practiced the piano, work.

After work: Going to see Despicable Me 2 with that guy from Tuesday. Then going to eat probs.

Smoothies with Mic.

This is from Tuesday morning, when I went hiking with Alex.

When I look like a boy and the boy I'm with has hair long enough to be a girl. 

And then we just laid there. 

The song I wish I wrote.

Overreacting.

This morning I met my mom at Ross just for fun. We then met my dad at Subway for lunch, then he went back to work, and my mom and I went to the mall to go to Bath & Body Works. We went to the DI too and found a couple things.

Then I came home to relax and take a nap. You-know-who texted me... we were supposed to meet up yesterday and long story short, it didn't happen. And I was bugged about it and he asked if I was upset so I was honest and told him how I felt. Honesty and communication are key!

Feels productive.

I woke up at 8:00 and went to Alex's house, then we took his car out to Ivin's and went hiking through a canyon. It was nice and shady and pretty... until we started hearing freaky animal noises and turned around.

As soon as I got home, I left again and went to the gym for a little bit.

I came home, showered, then met my mom and Desi and Connor at Pasta Factory for lunch.

I went over to their house to do my laundry, and took a nice nap on the couch.

Later, I went to institute with Carissa, it was the last one of the Summer. Taylor Chew texted me and said he was bored with Jacob, so I invited them and they came to the class too.

After that I walked home because Carissa stayed to play volleyball (I had planned on walking home, she wasn't stranding me).

A guy I met at Jazzy's called me, and we met at Menchie's for frozen yogurt.

Ultimate fail.

I know I already posted today but I just wanted to talk about FHE tonight. I went for the first time in my new ward, hoping you-know-who would be there. He wasn't. But it was still fun. We played ultimate frisbee at the park, and I joined in even though I can't throw a frisbee to save my life. And I had a moment of appreciating the fact that guys my age are much better than guys were in high school. Haha. They are still competitive in sports (which I am too, I like to win) but they aren't so serious about it that they can't help me have a good time. It was obvious I couldn't throw, but all the guys were still super nice and threw it to me, and cheered me on, and encouraged me to throw it.

That's all. Just saying I appreciate things.

Make me cry like a baby.

I literally have done nothing today but come to work.

I tried setting up to record, but then something in the program Logic was confusing me so I gave up. I tried to drive to the school to get a better internet connection so I could listen in on that Scottish radio station while they played my song again, but my laptop wouldn't connect from my car and I looked too gross to get out.

And I was in my room talking to a lady on the phone about promoting my music when I looked on the ground and saw a giant black cockroach from Hell. And as soon as the lady hung up, I started crying and freaking out and I called Carissa and she said she would be home soon. But then it went under my bed and I freaked out more because... that's my bed!

Well... a little later, I saw a cockroach in the living room and I freaking hope it was the same one because I trapped it under a bowl for Carissa to take care of. Eeeewwwww.

1,000: nothing for most, enough for me.

So after 3 and a half days, I finally got my 1,000 view goal. I know that's like nothing, considering most videos I see have 10s and 100s of thousands if not millions of views, but I don't care. I didn't expect my video to go viral or anything like that. I knew I could get 1,000 though, so I'm happy :)

Man, last night was so good. I just keep thinking about it, and how perfect it was, and when I was in the moment I knew it was wonderful, but I didn't realize how perfect it was until it was over. And I wish I had just stayed a little bit longer. I don't remember the last time I felt so good in someone's arms. I'm trying to not make a big deal over it, because I know I tend to go through boys really quickly, but I really do feel lucky to get to spend time with this guy because he is great. And I hope it lasts longer than a week or two.

He looked good at church today, too. And he sat by me in Sunday school. And later, we made plans for tomorrow night... kind of.

After church, I went home like always. My mom left for Cedar City, but I stuck around and ate yummy food and hung out with the rest of my family. My sisters and I went down to Kirsten's studio and played around and took pictures.

I went home. Then Ty and Trevor texted me so I went to Ty's house for a game night with a bunch of people. Didn't stay long, came back home. That's all.

The best parts about being human.

I'm usually hesitant to share stories like this for the sake of sounding cheesy but here goes. Today at work I was getting pretty sad thinking about people leaving the church. Within seconds of me getting a little teary-eyed, I heard one of my coworkers in her cubicle somewhere near me as she was captioning a call. In her necessarily monotone voice she repeated the words of the person on the phone: "It's not your responsibility to convert people. That is the job of the Spirit." And it was perfectly timed. And I knew I was supposed to hear it. That's all I will say about that because I could probably go on for pages.

Anyway, the rest of my night was absolutely amazing. I don't know if I mentioned this, but the guy I saw a couple times this week and I made plans to see each other tonight. As always, I was dreading the moment of truth when he would either call/text me as expected, or blow me off (which seems to be more common among guys these days). Well, he called me when he got off work. And he long boarded around the corner to my house.

And we walked to Harmon's and got Sobe's. And on the way back we stopped in the park and sat on the playground and he got an idea that we should go climb a water tower.

So we went to my apartment, I changed my shoes, and I grabbed a blanket. Then we drove into Winchester and parked at the end of a dirt hill. A seemingly infinite dirt hill.

When we got to the water tower, we climbed up the ladder to the top. We stood at the edge for a minute (by a railing, don't worry) and felt the cool breeze and looked at the few lights below. Then we spread out the blanket and laid under the stars.

Stress is the worst thing about being human.

I try really really hard to not worry about the clock or what I'm doing when I don't have any plans for the day other than work. But I can't help but feel rushed and stressed almost every minute when I'm not doing something that I can deem "productive."

I went to the gym this morning, but so what. I laid out by the pool to work on my tan, so what. That's all I did today (other than get ready and clean my room) before coming to work. But so many things are pressing on my mind, the usual stuff, and I just wish there were like... five less things to worry about.

Usually, writing down a list of all the things I have to do or all the things that are stressing me out helps a little bit. I'm sure after typing everything up, all the things bothering me will seem silly or stupid. So here goes (for my sake more than anyone who reads this).

• Write a scholarship acceptance letter
• Print out, sign, and mail a contract
• Get work off for July 27th and a few days after, and figure out how I'm going to survive without the money I would have made
• Get my oil changed
• Buy groceries
• Practice the dang piano more so that when I go to my first lesson in the fall, I don't have to tell my teacher I hardly practiced all summer
• Finish "Thunder Motion" for Stephen

Okay yeah, nothing on that list is really going to take me very long other than practicing the piano for the rest of the summer. This brings me to the conclusion that the thing really stressing me out right now is money. This blog isn't supposed to be me complaining that I don't have enough money, or saying that I have a harder time with finances than anyone else, it just makes me feel better to write about it.

Just when I think I have plenty and I'm finally starting to build my savings again, something comes up, or my paycheck is less than I thought, or somehow my money just disappears. I know I buy soda, and sometimes clothes or things I really don't need, but I really do have self control when it comes to buying things and I really am responsible with my money 95% of the time.

I am poor right now, and my next paycheck isn't for 9 more days. And as soon as that paycheck comes in, $242 of it will go to rent, probably at least $45 will go to utilities, 10% to tithing, $45 cell phone, and I'm sure other things I'm not remembering. But even before then I have to buy groceries and I'm sure I'll have to buy gas and who knows what else.

And THEN I have to afford gas to drive to and from Provo. And I have to pay for food while I'm staying there for several days. And I still haven't bought a present for Kelsey for her baby shower. And I have to buy stuff for the shower.

I know I am forgetting to mention at least one other expense I have coming up... oh yeah. Getting my oil changed.

Gosh I guess my solution for this kind of stress is... when I think I have lots of extra money, don't spend it thinking I'll always have that much. I need to put more into savings.

K I'm done. Sorry for that.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

I have a feeling this is going to be a longish post.

I met my family at Golden Corral for lunch for my dad's birthday. My dad had to pick me up because my car wouldn't start. After lunch, my car actually did start and I was able to drive it to a shop where my dad bought me a new battery and installed it for me. I am very grateful.

We then met my mom and sisters at the mall for a bit, and I bought my dad a new shirt. After that, we went to the theater and saw Pacific Rim. I'm very glad I've been able to see so many of the good movies this summer.

We went to their house and had cake and ice cream, and I spent time with my family. I came home to my apartment alone. Melinda left for Salt Lake again, and Carissa was who knows where. I took advantage of the opportunity and recorded vocals for Stephen and sent them off to Chase. I hope they are good enough.

Okay so... a couple things. I have been very happy this week. I am very happy in general right now. But there are a couple things making me pretty sad. One, someone told me that one of my returned missionary friends who I used to be very close to stopped going to church and said "f*** that" to it. Two, I can't believe I have let people treat me so badly at times in my life (unrelated to one).

I could go on and give details about my returned missionary friend, but then you would know who I was talking about, and I'm not going to do that. Like I said, we used to be very close, and even though we are not anymore, I will never talk badly about him or disrespect him, especially in a place as public as my blog.

As for the second thing, well, I have always known when people are treating me badly and I have always made excuses for them or given them second, third, and fourth chances. I have put so much effort into trying to make certain people like me, and I know that part of the reason I tried so hard is because of the whole "want what you can't have" thing.

I have always known that I deserve to be treated the way I want and need to be, and I really do try my best to treat others in the same way. The guy who I went out with this week is great. He's not the first great guy I have gone on a date with, but ever since our date I am just really determined to not waste my love on anyone who isn't going to make me feel like I am worth every second of his time. I am not perfect and I'm not saying I deserve perfection, but I do know that I have a big heart, and I don't have to give it to people who are going to hurt me.


I really am happy though. I feel very empowered because of the little things I have been changing in my life to be the best person I can. And I can see the effects of my efforts starting to present themselves.



"you're so beautiful and talented. something good will happen to you." I'm not afraid to believe him.

(Not so mini) Rant.

So I am still very excited about my video and all the happy things in my life but I'm just taking a moment to be frustrated.

AT MY PHONE AND CHARGERS.

So... there have been a couple times in my life where a cord got a short and I had to position it just right in order to get it charge something. That happens to everyone sometimes, right? Well, ever since I got my phone replaced, many months ago, my phone goes through chargers ridiculously fast. Like I will get a new one and it will work fine but within a week the cord must be adjusted and over time (a short amount of time), the cord gets worse and worse until it just doesn't work anymore.

I do not think it is because of the way I take care of my chargers. It's not like I do anything any different than everyone else. I think it's my phone! I've never had so much trouble with something like this. I seriously think the charging jack in my phone is loose or crooked and so it messes up the chargers. It really does feel loose if I wiggle it around, too. And I'm pissed. Because I'm sick of finding/buying new cords, I'm sick of waking up some mornings to a phone at 5% when it should've been charging all night, I'm sick of having to always be adjusting my dang charger cord. UGH.

So today I'm at work like I always am, and I'm charging my phone in my cubicle as I often do because everyone knows that smart phones don't last long if you use them a lot. Well... it didn't make sense that being at work less than half an hour, my phone dropped from about 50% to 15%. Because I was not using it hardly at all during that time and it never dies that fast. So that's when I plugged it in. And within an hour or so, it had charged to I think 40%... at least. Well, I go on my break and I'm in the break room when suddenly it's at 15% again. Uh. I was in there for like 5 minutes.

So I come back to my cubicle and plug it in again, it says it's charging, and I set it perfectly still and stared at it for 10 seconds to make sure it still said it was charging. I look a few minutes later and it still says charging, but the percentage is going DOWN instead of UP. It is "charging" right now but is at 5%.

Something must be seriously wrong and even WORSE than before. I'm sick of this crap! I worry about my phone's battery way more than I should have to.

I need to buy a new phone, obviously. iPhone? What should I do? Mom, when is my upgrade available? Just... UGH I can't take it anymore!

My Music Video Is Online!

So I reread yesterday's post and somehow, the first couple lines got deleted and so it didn't make sense. I didn't go swimming with Tyler, I went with that guy from my ward that I went out with. I fixed the blog. Haha. I'm not very good at this.

Anyway, last night after work, I hurried and got some Chick-Fil-A with Melinda. Then a bunch of my friends came over to watch my video! After that, Dallas and Blair dropped me off at the volleyball courts, and Ty and Melinda followed us there. We didn't stay long cause we couldn't really get a game going. The end.

It's raining today and I didn't sleep well last night, and don't feel too well today. But I went over to my parent's house to use their internet, and I posted my video publicly on YouTube with a link on Facebook. I'm excited about it :) It's all just for fun!

Here it is, I hope you can at least appreciate watching my guy friend getting hit in the face with a water balloon in slow motion.

Click HERE to watch my video!

I have to admit, I am a little afraid of posting a video on YouTube because of the possibility of complete strangers seeing it and not being very nice. I used to be scared of getting any "downvotes" until I realized that every single video on YouTube has at least one, even the most amazing and perfect videos. Even inspirational videos about cancer patients. So... most of those people are just being rude for no reason. But, if someone clicks the little thumbs down on my video, I'm not going to take it personally.

If someone doesn't like my song or video, that's fine! I can't please everyone. Never will. There will always be people who don't like my style, my sound, or maybe they just don't like me and that's okay because I like me, and I have lots of friends who love me just the way I am, and of course my family will always love me no matter what. I guess the only thing I'm really afraid of now is having some low-life random person comment something unnecessarily rude or obscene or something. That might annoy me just a little bit. But until then... I'm just excited that I had the opportunity to make a fun video with fun friends :)

It's raining and I didn't feel good this morning, and didn't sleep too well last night. But even though I've said I don't like rain and gloomy days, I do enjoy the summer rain quite a bit more than rain when it's cold.

Today I went shopping with my sisters and mom at Ross for a bit, got some pants. We also met my dad at Ernie's for drinks. Tomorrow is his birthday! Not sure what I'm doing tonight, though...

Time stands still.

I woke up to a text this morning from the guy I went out with last night. He asked if he could come swimming with me at my pool :)

So I went to the gym, came home to get ready and in the meantime, Tyler Lambert came over to chill for a bit. I cleaned up the house a bit and got ready to go swimming.

He came over a little before 2:00 and we went swimming until a little after 3:00. It was super nice. The last time I went swimming in my pool, it was freezing. But today it was perfect. And he's fun. And easy to be around. 

We got out at one point to just lay in the sun and he said something about how time usually goes by fast, but it was going by at just the right pace or something like that. I thought that was interesting to think about. Because there are definitely times in my life where time goes by slow, but not because I'm not having fun. It's more like time is standing still and just letting you enjoy that short amount you have with someone.

When we were done swimming, we got on his bike and drove around our neighborhood to dry off :)

Then I quickly got ready for work. On my way here, I stopped at my mom's work to pick up some food she bought at Arby's so that I could put it in the fridge at work. Tasha was supposed to but couldn't anymore, so I guess it was good timing because I left for work a little early so I could get something to eat. But instead I just got to eat an Arby's sandwich. And then I got my mom a Diet Coke from McDonald's!

It is freezing in here today and I'm not too happy about that. And it's going by pretty slow... in the bad way. But it's okay because I'm excited about seeing my friends after work.

It's nice because usually I stress when I'm planning something that involves people coming to my house and depending on me for their entertainment. They're all coming over to watch my new music video, but I realized we don't have internet technically, so I'm going to be bumming off the neighbors and it will probably be slow and we'll have to wait for the thing to load and reload or whatever. And I don't have a way of playing it on anything other than my little laptop. And usually this would all stress me out like crazy but for some reason I just really have no worry at all. I feel great right now.

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don’t major in minor things. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Never cut what can be untied. Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.” — Jackson Brown Jr.

Everything Tuesday.

Went to the pool at GV this morning with my family and then had a salad with my mom. Then I chilled at my house and stuff.

Guy in my ward from the other day called me and asked me to see a movie with him and told me he would pick me up around 6:30.

Around 4:30, Melinda and I went for a walk kinda by the river. I came home with just enough time to shower and get ready.

My date picked me up on his motorcycle and took me the back way to Stadium 8. We saw World War Z. He knew I had already seen it but I told him I didn't mind seeing it again, besides, I had already seen the other two great movies out right now so we didn't have much choice. And I really wanted to see it again.

When it was over, we went out to his bike and he asked if I was hungry. I said yeah and he said "What do you want... like something quick, or..." and I kinda said sure and thought we'd go somewhere simple which was absolutely wonderful for me. But then he took us to Anasazi Steakhouse! Like... was not expecting that. I had never been there but I knew it was expensive. And it was. But it was sooo good and our waiter was funny and our conversation was great. For some reason he thought I was really cool and funny and said he wants to "do this again."

We rode back to my house and it felt so good outside riding on his motorcycle at night. It was perfect. He came in my apartment for a few minutes and then hugged me goodnight. Shortly after he left, he sent me a nice text saying he had fun and that he hopes to see me again. So :) Not getting too excited or anything.

Nothing Monday.

Gym. Piano. Work.

Work is so boring today. One more hour and it feels like eternity. Ever since they started sending us automated test calls (which are really fast with minimal pauses), and we have to get 97% to get a video card, well, I don't have a video card. I got 95.5% on my first one, and I think we're supposed to get a test every week but I didn't get one last week. I got one today and I know I did worse than the first one so I know I won't be getting a video card anytime soon. That means I can't watch any of my shows! Or YouTube videos!

I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower today (yeah, finally got around to reading it) and that was awesome, but when I finished it I still had 3-4 hours of work left. And nothing else to read except this book I brought called "How to Get Ideas" and I tried reading it and just can't. It's like one of those books that is talking about nothing and going in circles. I've tried finding things to read online but I just keep running out of things to amuse me. Why don't I complain about my easy life some more?

Two delicious dinners.

Woke up at 8:00 a.m. to the sound of thunder and rain. Enjoyed it for a few minutes and fell back asleep. Woke up at 10:00. Fell back asleep. Woke up right before noon: perfect. I mean, this is probably not the best thing to admit, but I didn't want to be awake very long before church with nothing to do on a fast Sunday. Don't tell me that you aren't the hungriest when you know you shouldn't eat!

So at church today I was thinking about how that one guy in my ward hadn't texted me for a couple weeks, and hadn't really said hi to me more than once or twice. I told Melinda I was just going to go ahead and ask him out myself. Then today after church, he said hi to me and we talked for like seconds and I accidentally did the super girly smiley thing where I just can't get the grin off my face. Stupid.

Anyway, I was driving to my parent's house after church when he called me. Eek! I hope the call actually did end before I squealed. He asked me out! Sort of... he wants to do something Tuesday. I'll take it :)

So at my parent's we had these yummy potatoes, breaded chicken, salad, cornbread muffins, and then chocolate cake with the same frosting you put on German chocolate cake. Sooo goooood. I hung around for a few hours, just enjoying my family.

Then when I got home, Alex was making a bunch of food for Melinda and there was lots so he made me eat too. By then it had been four hours since my first dinner so I thought, why not? A different delicious chicken, rice, and more salad. Yum.

We chilled and started watching some old So You Think You Can Dance episodes, then we put in the first Twilight. More than halfway through the movie, I left to go hang out with the boy next door for a few minutes. I came back and they had put in the second one. I left again for a second to play a song for the boy on his front porch. So backwards but I love it. We are good friends.

Almost done.

Gym again. Then I met my family at Costco for lunch and a little shopping, and to get some gas. Always good to see my family.

Then went to Darren's house again to watch an even more complete version of my video. All he has to do is color correct the whole thing and it will be done and ready to post! I think I'm going to have a little get together at my house with all the people who were in it so they can watch it first :)

And now I'm at work.




I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know we’re better off letting go of. It’s like we’re scared to lose what we don’t even really have. Some of us say we’d rather have something than absolutely nothing, but the truth is, to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.— Meredith Grey

Drifter Breeze.

Gym this morning. Sushi with Tanno. Then to Darren's house to watch his rough cut of my music video.

Then I took a nap. And I was awoken by Donny Osmond on the record player, which irritated me at first, but then I was happy that I hadn't been allowed to sleep all day. Carissa had come home and brought some cheese cake, so I ate a piece and went back to my room... and fell asleep again. Oops. What is wrong with me?! I woke up when Melinda got home, with a pounding headache. Stupid.

I took some food to Austin at work, then I picked up my friend Ethan.

We went up the D on the mountain and past it, and then across to the other side of the plateau. We watched the sunset from up there and I had my guitar and played a few songs, too. The sun was red behind a thin layer of clouds, causing a slight haze over the city that was absolutely beautiful. At one point, a humming bird appeared and hovered right in front of our faces for a few seconds before flying away. It was a good time.

I went home and watched the movie "21" with Melinda and Alex, then went to bed.

Independence Day.

I wonder what it would be like if our Independence Day had happened to fall sometime in the winter.

Anyway. Woke up super early this morning to go to the parade with Melinda, Carissa, and Alex. Afterwards we walked around Vernon Worthern for a minute but we didn't stay long. We went back to our house and made a yummy breakfast, and Alex's mom came too.

Then I went swimming at GV Spa with my whoole family :) After that, we got shaved ice together and then went home.

Now I'm at work. When I get off I'm having a barbecue with my family and then going to a concert with my friends.

Okay random but this is the craziest optical illusion I've seen:
www.andynyman.com/jonty_illusion.html/

I was so excited to wear these today.

Love my daddy. And our matching flag accessories :) 

Couldn't get him to hold still with them on his face long enough, so this is the best I got. 

It had to be done. 

I want to live in a place like this sooo bad. 

Thought for today.

"Don’t waste your time. If you have to play hard to get, move on. You’ll know when you’ve found a healthy relationship because it won’t confuse you."

A beautiful poem.

Okay so I randomly found this poem today at work and I think you should read it, mom.

Love you.

Standstill or not?

I went to my foot doctor this morning because I've been concerned about a bump on the incision on my foot. I had a few X-rays taken, and the doctor told me that part of the reason for the bump is a thick scar, and also that the screw is rubbing against it a little. Ewwww. He said if it's causing pain and gets worse, I could have it removed no problem, but that I don't have to if it's not bothering me. So we'll see.

I was gonna go to the gym after that but I got home and was sooo sleepy and collapsed on my bed and had a crazy dream about being drugged and not able to remember the last 18 hours of my life. Anyway.

I met my parents at Cafe Rio. I sure do spend a lot of time with my family, I guess that's my main social life these days, if you can call it that. Haha. But it's okay with me because they love me and I love them, duh.

I also did some recording today. Woo.



So about life... I feel like a lot of things are falling through the cracks, things I thought I would always be able to count on or things to look forward to that are slowly disappearing. But on the other hand I feel like I have a lot of things and opportunities to look forward to. So I'm not sure if I am happy or sad right now. That's all.

This was my concern.

These are some of my best friends at the movies. 

And this is a really old picture of me that I found. Haha those pig tails!

White House Down.

I saw World War Z last night with Blair, Dallas, McKayle, and another girl whose name I can't remember... oops. I'm a bad person. Anyway, it was really good! I love movies.

Today I went to my parent's house and did laundry all day. My family and I went to Green Valley Spa pool again for a bit, then to Subway to eat with my dad.

My parents and I went to see White House Down. Again, loved it!

I went home later, and Melinda got home from Salt Lake. She, Carissa, and I went to Denny's at midnight and met her friend Alex there. Then he came over to our house and we all hung out for a bit. They put in a movie and I went to bed.

My Epic Wishlist.

Random side note.

Have I told you how happy it makes me to browse on Wanelo.com? I have only actually bought something from there a couple times, but when I'm at work, for some reason, it makes me happy to go through and save things I like to my "epic wishlist." So if you're ever curious what kind of things I would buy if I had millions, well, this is everything I wish I had:

http://wanelo.com/ashleewoo18/collections/epic-wishlist

40s and 50s.

I am almost willing to pay someone to come to my house every morning and drag me out of bed at 7:00 a.m. Really, I do not need to sleep in so late. I've been doing a little better at going to bed a little earlier, but my body still loves to lay in that bed as long as possible. It makes it so I get nothing done and I feel like crap. At least I made a good lunch for myself today, and I'll have some leftovers too.

The summer is more than halfway over, going by way too fast, and I haven't done near half of the things I want to do. Not enough hiking, no camping, not enough road trips, not enough swimming or parties or walks or working out or meeting new friends. I am working out a lot more than I ever have, but I can still do better.

Also, I haven't done hardly anything with my music other than the filming of my video... which I hope turns out good. And I hope it's done soon. I mean, I've written several new songs, but I don't have a good way to produce them ever since Chase started pulling away from me, or I away from him. For now I'm just working on a little collaboration. And I would totally do the work to call all kinds of venues and book a small tour or something, I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard, only problem is I don't have a band, and I'm sure no one will be entertained long by just me and my guitar. Maybe it'll be my goal to book a small tour around Utah, Arizona, California, etc. for next summer. Yeah!

Anyway. At my grandmother's funeral, they had old music playing from her time. I never realized how enjoyable it is to listen to. At work today I've been listening to a 50s station on Pandora, and searching other stations for 40s songs, and adding them to a Spotify playlist. It's just so easy to listen to and so nice. And it might just inspire me to write music a little differently :) Anyone want to do some shoo-be-doos for me?