mind. your. own. business.
and let me live my life.
nothing bothers me more than people who have the nerve to involve themselves in something they know nothing about.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
the best Thanksgiving weekend.
My Jeremy finally came home.
It was the weirdest feeling I can have ever experienced. I said goodbye to this boy on November 17th, 2009 around 8 pm outside my parent's house in St. George. I knew I wouldn't see him for two whole years.
So the day before Thanksgiving. November 23rd, 2011, I drove down to St. George from Provo at 6:45 a.m. with Nate Rice and his girlfriend, Ashlie Gilbert. I spent the day getting my nails done and getting things ready. That evening I helped Jeremy's parents, Sammie and Steve, preparing for the following day's events. I painted posters, I set up a table with mine and Jeremy's "love letters." I actually slept quite well that night.
The next day. Thanksgiving. Jeremy due to arrive to the new St. George airport at 12:29 pm. My whole family, his whole family, everyone was there. I felt like I was being watched, in my brand new outfit, as I felt a million different emotions streaming through my mind. Was this really happening? No way. But if it's not, why am I standing here with all these posters and all these people? Has it really come to an end? But.. but it's always been this thing that was never going to happen. 15 months to go, 9 months, 6 months, 6 weeks, 2 weeks, 2 days... it's today. That's what I was thinking. No. Way. I could never be ready for this. Was I supposed to be feeling more ready? What was I supposed to be feeling? I couldn't really breathe. Word came that he was to arrive at 12:13. It was 12:07.
Oh my gosh I haven't seen him for two years. What will he look like? Will he think I'm pretty? Will he hug me? I don't think he's supposed to, but will he anyway? What will everyone else do? What will he say to me? Will I see him and still love him?
His plane is flying in. I see it. Landing on the runway. I run down the stairs into the waiting area and everyone follows behind me with their balloons and posters.
I'm standing against a brick wall as everyone assumes their positions. I can see Jeremy's fellow passengers passing through a room behind some glass doors and windows toward us. Here he comes here he comes here he comes. I hear someone say "There he is!" and I literarlly scream. I'm screaming his name and crying and becoming hysterical. Is this real? Then I see him and it is the weirdest strangest most wonderful most normal feeling in the world. There is my love, right there, right in front of me. I haven't seen him for two years, he wasn't real during all that time, I forgot his love, but there he is. Right. There.
He hugs his mom. Then his dad. Then both together. I am staring at his face between their two heads and he glances at me.
Then he let's go. I'm standing right there, everyone else at least 5 feet behind me. He walks toward me slowly, reaches out his arms and I am instantly surrounded by them. What a glorious hug. What a glorious feeling. He hugs me so tightly, then he pulls back and holds me in his arms while he takes a good look at my face as he says, "It's so good to see you!" And I melt. His smile is so beautiful. His real smile, not the frozen one I see in pictures. His real face. His real voice. His real laugh. All in person.
He hugs me again and again until he says "I have to say hi to everyone else, Ash!" and he does. And I have tears running down my cheeks, and I can't contain myself.
I never ever want to forget those feelings. The feelings of when I saw his plane, then when I heard someone say they saw him, then when I saw him, then when I waited for him to hug his parents, then when he hugged me, then when he looked at me, then everything after that.
It was the weirdest feeling I can have ever experienced. I said goodbye to this boy on November 17th, 2009 around 8 pm outside my parent's house in St. George. I knew I wouldn't see him for two whole years.
So the day before Thanksgiving. November 23rd, 2011, I drove down to St. George from Provo at 6:45 a.m. with Nate Rice and his girlfriend, Ashlie Gilbert. I spent the day getting my nails done and getting things ready. That evening I helped Jeremy's parents, Sammie and Steve, preparing for the following day's events. I painted posters, I set up a table with mine and Jeremy's "love letters." I actually slept quite well that night.
The next day. Thanksgiving. Jeremy due to arrive to the new St. George airport at 12:29 pm. My whole family, his whole family, everyone was there. I felt like I was being watched, in my brand new outfit, as I felt a million different emotions streaming through my mind. Was this really happening? No way. But if it's not, why am I standing here with all these posters and all these people? Has it really come to an end? But.. but it's always been this thing that was never going to happen. 15 months to go, 9 months, 6 months, 6 weeks, 2 weeks, 2 days... it's today. That's what I was thinking. No. Way. I could never be ready for this. Was I supposed to be feeling more ready? What was I supposed to be feeling? I couldn't really breathe. Word came that he was to arrive at 12:13. It was 12:07.
Oh my gosh I haven't seen him for two years. What will he look like? Will he think I'm pretty? Will he hug me? I don't think he's supposed to, but will he anyway? What will everyone else do? What will he say to me? Will I see him and still love him?
His plane is flying in. I see it. Landing on the runway. I run down the stairs into the waiting area and everyone follows behind me with their balloons and posters.
I'm standing against a brick wall as everyone assumes their positions. I can see Jeremy's fellow passengers passing through a room behind some glass doors and windows toward us. Here he comes here he comes here he comes. I hear someone say "There he is!" and I literarlly scream. I'm screaming his name and crying and becoming hysterical. Is this real? Then I see him and it is the weirdest strangest most wonderful most normal feeling in the world. There is my love, right there, right in front of me. I haven't seen him for two years, he wasn't real during all that time, I forgot his love, but there he is. Right. There.
He hugs his mom. Then his dad. Then both together. I am staring at his face between their two heads and he glances at me.
Then he let's go. I'm standing right there, everyone else at least 5 feet behind me. He walks toward me slowly, reaches out his arms and I am instantly surrounded by them. What a glorious hug. What a glorious feeling. He hugs me so tightly, then he pulls back and holds me in his arms while he takes a good look at my face as he says, "It's so good to see you!" And I melt. His smile is so beautiful. His real smile, not the frozen one I see in pictures. His real face. His real voice. His real laugh. All in person.
He hugs me again and again until he says "I have to say hi to everyone else, Ash!" and he does. And I have tears running down my cheeks, and I can't contain myself.
I never ever want to forget those feelings. The feelings of when I saw his plane, then when I heard someone say they saw him, then when I saw him, then when I waited for him to hug his parents, then when he hugged me, then when he looked at me, then everything after that.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
the best i can describe how i'm feeling.
Where to even begin?
I dated Jeremy Garcia in high school from August 11th, 2007 until he left on an LDS mission on November 18th, 2009.
The day before, November 17th, I said goodbye to Jeremy for what would be 736 days. The 736th day happens to be tomorrow.
Before Jeremy left we spent almost every day together. My family loves him, his family loves me, he's basically integrated into my life in every single way. He's even in my family pictures! Before he left I knew I wanted to marry him and that I would be able to do that when he got home from his mission.
Two years is a really freaking long time. I've met hundreds of new people, gone through two jobs, two summers, two Christmases, two New Years, two birthdays, two years of college, two everythings. That means lots and lots of changing and growing and learning. I've experienced so many things! I've made really stupid mistakes, I've learned from them, and I've grown to be more of an adult. I am a person I really like and am happy to be.
Over these two years I've probably written Jeremy around 50 handwritten letters, and probably 100 or so emails. Who knows how many for sure. I've loved him all this time but it has been so hard to remember what it's like to have him around. I could go on about that for hours. Even going one month without his hugs, kisses, laugh, voice, everything is hard. But two YEARS?! Are you kidding me?! For much of his absence he has felt like a dream to me, a dream I woke up from when he left. But I know he's real even though I haven't seen him for so long. I've always known, of course, how much time is left until his two years are up. But it still was never going to happen, in my mind. Well guess what. It's happening tomorrow and I'm freaking out.
What if he doesn't love me? What if he's so different that I can't feel the same way about him? What if what if what if? I just need to calm down. I hope that when he sees me he will accept my hug. Cause I know when I see him at the airport I will want to run and jump into his arms (but not until after his mother does, of course).
But seriously, I couldn't think of any better thing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. It's the best thing ever. I seriously think tomorrow will be the happiest day of my life. I sure have a lot of hope for it!
Pray for me. Wish me good luck. We'll see what happens. And pretty soon, the whole world will know. Because I swear it's like everyone I know knows about it and cares at least a little bit. It's exciting but strange.
Oh just help me. I have anxiety. I hope I can sleep tonight.
I dated Jeremy Garcia in high school from August 11th, 2007 until he left on an LDS mission on November 18th, 2009.
The day before, November 17th, I said goodbye to Jeremy for what would be 736 days. The 736th day happens to be tomorrow.
Before Jeremy left we spent almost every day together. My family loves him, his family loves me, he's basically integrated into my life in every single way. He's even in my family pictures! Before he left I knew I wanted to marry him and that I would be able to do that when he got home from his mission.
Two years is a really freaking long time. I've met hundreds of new people, gone through two jobs, two summers, two Christmases, two New Years, two birthdays, two years of college, two everythings. That means lots and lots of changing and growing and learning. I've experienced so many things! I've made really stupid mistakes, I've learned from them, and I've grown to be more of an adult. I am a person I really like and am happy to be.
Over these two years I've probably written Jeremy around 50 handwritten letters, and probably 100 or so emails. Who knows how many for sure. I've loved him all this time but it has been so hard to remember what it's like to have him around. I could go on about that for hours. Even going one month without his hugs, kisses, laugh, voice, everything is hard. But two YEARS?! Are you kidding me?! For much of his absence he has felt like a dream to me, a dream I woke up from when he left. But I know he's real even though I haven't seen him for so long. I've always known, of course, how much time is left until his two years are up. But it still was never going to happen, in my mind. Well guess what. It's happening tomorrow and I'm freaking out.
What if he doesn't love me? What if he's so different that I can't feel the same way about him? What if what if what if? I just need to calm down. I hope that when he sees me he will accept my hug. Cause I know when I see him at the airport I will want to run and jump into his arms (but not until after his mother does, of course).
But seriously, I couldn't think of any better thing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. It's the best thing ever. I seriously think tomorrow will be the happiest day of my life. I sure have a lot of hope for it!
Pray for me. Wish me good luck. We'll see what happens. And pretty soon, the whole world will know. Because I swear it's like everyone I know knows about it and cares at least a little bit. It's exciting but strange.
Oh just help me. I have anxiety. I hope I can sleep tonight.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
today was a long day, but in a good way. i love saturdays, but they come and go way too fast!
first i went to my last work meeting at 8 a.m. then i worked a shift from 9-2. kelsey got off at the same time so we both met up at home and got ready to go shopping! i try not to spend money on things i don't need very often, like clothes, but since my boyfriend is coming home in 4 days (insert inexpressible excitement here) my sweet mother gave me money to spend on a new outfit. haha.
so first we went to the new H&M in murray because it just opened last week. it was smaller than i thought it would be, and really nothing special. the one in vegas is better. however, i bought a ring, earrings, and a shirt!
then we went to the gateway in salt lake city where i bought a jacket and we visited kelsey's friend manuel.
this is the interesting part of the night. kelsey has an uncle who ran away from home when he was 17 and didn't contact his family at all for 30 YEARS! and that was just within the last few years. kelsey had only met him once her whole life, but she got a hold of his address because she knew he lived in salt lake. so, without any sort of notice, we just showed up at his house (oh and we brought manuel with us). manuel and i didn't say much, but kelsey had a great conversation with him and mostly the woman he lives with (they used to be married). they have living with them a couple of her daughters i think, and there were 5 kids there. triplet girls who i fell in love with, and two little boys who i also fell in love with.
and then we went to manuel's house and just chilled and acted stupid. the end.
first i went to my last work meeting at 8 a.m. then i worked a shift from 9-2. kelsey got off at the same time so we both met up at home and got ready to go shopping! i try not to spend money on things i don't need very often, like clothes, but since my boyfriend is coming home in 4 days (insert inexpressible excitement here) my sweet mother gave me money to spend on a new outfit. haha.
so first we went to the new H&M in murray because it just opened last week. it was smaller than i thought it would be, and really nothing special. the one in vegas is better. however, i bought a ring, earrings, and a shirt!
then we went to the gateway in salt lake city where i bought a jacket and we visited kelsey's friend manuel.
this is the interesting part of the night. kelsey has an uncle who ran away from home when he was 17 and didn't contact his family at all for 30 YEARS! and that was just within the last few years. kelsey had only met him once her whole life, but she got a hold of his address because she knew he lived in salt lake. so, without any sort of notice, we just showed up at his house (oh and we brought manuel with us). manuel and i didn't say much, but kelsey had a great conversation with him and mostly the woman he lives with (they used to be married). they have living with them a couple of her daughters i think, and there were 5 kids there. triplet girls who i fell in love with, and two little boys who i also fell in love with.
and then we went to manuel's house and just chilled and acted stupid. the end.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
braces off.
i'm glad i didn't have to have braces very long, but i'm so glad they're off. one good thing going on right now.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
my webcam sucks.
so i was looking through my webcam photos and i take so many for no reason. so.. here's 5 since i got this laptop, for no reason.
Monday, November 7, 2011
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